It took almost 20 years to wander back and forth. A movement from living to non-living and now, after 20 years of anabiosis, once more back to life.
It started at the age of about 7-9 years old, there appeared something like a thin film, preventing from... living, from experiencing life in full, the way it was normally for me back then. A few times I had bumped into this film, but eventually it took over, and whatever happened to me afterwards has been happening in this un-felt cocoon.
Now, almost 20 years after that, I am moving back to life. Back to just being here rather than thinking and living in my head.
Even for this one thing, I bow down with tears to that which is doing that to me. Released from 20 years of unknown prison by unknown force, I am overflowed with gratitude and relief.