Now, some things just have to be voiced. I do not have an inclination to work out my mental state physically, but all this which is happening inside my head has to be let out in some way, so let it be in words.
Now, what is changing is, my life is no more about what I do. For many years, it has been that whatever I do is a wrong thing, so in no time I was just lost in this world. With no one coming my way, no one close to me, it has been quite a torture. Now... still "strange" for most people, because of somewhat bigger proportions and higher intelligence, I am going through a certain reestablishment of my life. It is not even me doing this, this is just happening. How come, what exactly all this is — I have no perception of these things. Somehow things are happening, this is all I know.
A beautiful state to be, I may say, and weary. When structures within you, which were there for many years, collapse, and you just have to live through this falling, it is painful, but liberating.